Blogging Resistance

It’s hard for me to get out here and write anything on this weird website when life is crazy. Things happen to me and in me that I’d like to write about, but wonder just who might read it and what they might think. Some things, apparently, are too deeply personal to put into words for public consumption.

I’ve always been a big one for saying what I think – even though I usually need to write in order to do that. I never think quickly enough in conversation, especially difficult, tense conversation. I try to resist anger – and lapse into withdrawal; I try to resist sarcasm – and lapse into stammering non sequitors; I try to resist shock – and lapse into stunned silence. Which is the same thing, I guess. I’m not very good at engaging issues in the moment, especially in situations where I feel uncertain or threatened. So this space has been a breathing point for me. I can write about things I care about, express opinions, try out ideas —- without the pressures inherent in conversation. But I find that I cannot easily write about those things that are nearest and dearest to my heart, especially when they involve people I care about and situations that are scary. And we are in the middle of a very scary one these days.

So, one of these days soon I hope to get back to this space with reflections on scripture, on life, on ministry. But right now, there is no room inside for much else besides putting one foot in front of the other as I try to stay centered in the Spirit, faithfully do the tasks I am assigned at work, love my family in all their various settings and difficulties, and do a little better job at self-care. Hope to ‘talk’ to you soon.

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