“When I’m 64…” – 2009 – Archive-Diving

And here is one more from the deep pit of 2009 — a post written on my birthday that year.

Well, in 95 minutes, I will be.

Who woulda thunk it? 
How is it possible to feel every age I’ve ever been – but this one, least of all?

At some points, my 14-year-old self is just inside my skin – especially when I feel naive, gullible, misled.

At other points, my feisty, unnecessarily self-confident 22-year-old self pops up and surprises me with her strong opinions and readiness to express them.

There are even those rare moments when a tall-for-her-age 5-year-old shows up, filled with joie-de-vivre whenever the sun is shining and the water is clear.

Sadly, the 64-year-old shows up when I have to stand up after sitting a while, or climb stairs that are uneven, or try to read the really fine print. 

 And yet…there is something to be said for age. Not much, but….something.

Perhaps the best thing is that every age I have ever been is still available to me at a moment’s notice, that what I’ve learned at each of those ages is usually pretty close to the surface when needed, that I know that the reservoirs of love, affection, commitment developed over a lifetime are deeper than I could have imagined at 5, 14, 22 or even 45.

I am deeply grateful that my partner of 43 years still chooses to love me, ‘when I’m 64.’

And overall, life has been good; through it all, God is good.

My restless, often rebellious nature can still trip me up from time to time, but one good thing about 64 is that I have learned to be just a little bit more patient with those parts of myself, sometimes even grateful for them.

Restlessness can lead to dissatisfaction with the status quo and a willingness to make changes when needed.

Even rebelliousness has its plusses, for asking questions about seemingly foregone conclusions can keep the fires of curiosity burning. And I never did believe it killed the cat!

Happy Birthday to me. I am glad I was born, I am grateful for my life, I hope it lasts a while longer.

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  1. Newell Hendricks says


    I really am a novice at this blogging thing. I found this site ant thought it a way to communicate more directly with you.

    I have been writing stories of my life this past year, and find it a wonderful thing to do. Email is the best way to communicate with me, so I hope this works. Would love to be in touch. I contacted Tena Messer (Evans) last year had have had a good correspondence. I have had a wonderful marriage with two daughters who each now have daughters. l We all live in Massachusetts.

    • It’s Diana with an ‘a’ – and I am gobsmacked to have made this contact through these cyberwaves. I’ve had a blog for a long time, but only began writing my own stories two years ago, when I retired after 17 years in pastoral ministry. Went to seminary mid-life, after raising three kids, and loved being a pastor. Now doing spiritual direction and all this crazy writing. I remember Teena! And you, of course! My email is dtrautwein at gmail dot com