This is the day of the month that I am privileged to write over at A Deeper Family. Telling a few unpalatable truths about myself this time around, grateful that God continues to work for redemption in even the not-so-nice parts of me. You can find the rest of this essay by clicking here:
Sometimes, I can be a jerk. I can get smug, believe myself to be superior, judge others as not quite up to snuff, below the level of ‘spiritual maturity’ I’ve discovered over the course of my L-O-N-G life. It’s more than a little bit humiliating to admit this, but there it is.
Also true is this: I am far harder on myself than anyone else in my life has ever been or ever will be. I call myself names I wouldn’t let past my lips in regard to another living person, ever.
This ability of the human psyche to rapidly traverse the territory between self-flagellation and grandiosity is simply astounding. Within a heartbeat, I can find myself skyrocketing from the voice of that harsh internal critic to one that reflects a pretty twisted praise-me-first-last-and-always egocentricity.
The truth is this: neither voice speaks it. At my very best, by the grace of God, I land somewhere in the middle — not nearly as terrible as that accusatory voice wants me to believe, but nowhere near as high-and-mighty as my more grandiose self might lead me to think. And a lot of life is spent trying to find and maintain that centered space, the one where I allow myself to be a human person, with strengths and flaws — not perfect, but not lower than a gnat’s knees, either.
I’ve gotten better at it over time, but there is always more to be learned in this life.
For example, this small vignette: last week, my husband and I went to the dentist, one appointment after the other, for the first time ever in our married life. Our dentist’s office is across the street from one of the most beautiful churches in our town, a big, old, sandstone building located on the corner of our busiest street. . .
