“Empowered to NOT Do?” – SheLoves

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With my aching foot encased in a gigantic boot, propped high on pillows, and my heart wondering how or if this thing will be healed — whether by Holy Spirit power, mysterious and unseen, or by the skilled hands that hold the scalpel and the needle — let me think about that idea for a while.

I am used to going, to doing. Caring for others. Getting things done. I am not used to receiving help or asking for it. In fact, I hate feeling helpless. Hate it.

Now that I think about it, I suppose that makes me a control freak, of sorts. And let’s drop that ‘of sorts,’ shall we? Out-and-out, full-bore, driven, up-front — yeah, those are more accurate descriptors.

I’ve always been a take-charge person, a number-one child, a bit on the bossy side and pretty good on follow-through.

Right now, however, I can’t even follow.

I must sit. And wait. And wonder. And empowered is SO not how I feel.

When I take a breath, however, and slow my mind; when I stare at the sea or the foothills; when I open my hands and lower my weary head, that is when the truth sneaks in the door and tentatively settles around me. . . 

Please follow me over to SheLoves to read the rest of this post . . .

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Comments

  1. Oh. How. I. Get. This. I have an identical picture showing my right foot – including similar toenail polish! (Several people commented on how good my toes looked!) It surely is a challenge. I have (I think) learned many lessons during this time of my own immobility – including giving in, accepting, allowing others to minister to me, and celebrating the tiniest victories. But you are so right… “it ain’t easy”!. And there are many frustrations along the way. It certainly put a monkey wrench in MY plans for these months, but I see some things a little differently now – which I’m sure was the point. Your post encourages me not to lose sight of these new awakenings. You are not alone. You will be in my prayers.

  2. Diana, thinking of you and praying for you these days. we have been traveling…on vacation for two weeks. Yes, i agree, your toes are pretty! love the color but I am sorry you are laid up. Your blog has been such a part of my life since I read your “lament” post on Deepr Story. Thank you .

    you probably wonder how we can go on vacation. I was sort of giving up on the idea. Galen called his brother in law who helped care for Galen’s mom and asked him to come stay with my dad for TWO weeks. He went back to PA quite often to help them when they were caring for his mom. and of course, I dont’ have any siblings anymore…so he graciously agreed to come and dad seems to be doing ok. He flipped out the day before we left…like his mind went somewhere else beacuse it couldnt’ handle the changes, but he is doing ok. He knows Ed from way back and they have a lot of common history. Definately the grace for this month. we have not gone away over night since a year ago – have not traveled together. so this is a wonderful treat.

    will keep praying fory you. I so appreciate traveling this journey with you through your blog.

    • I am so glad to read this, Carol! What a great gift and needed respite. Make the most of it, okay? Sleep in, eat out, see a good movie, read tons of books, take pictures. Whatever feeds your soul – do it. And then, do it again!!

    • Carol, I ditto Diana’s reply…feed your soul over and over and over!!!

  3. Oh, Diana! You know that I get this. I almost put off the second surgery for the very same reason. While I’ve learned to live with the restrictions of disability, those two knee replacement surgeries took it to a another level. I do.not.like being dependent on others and the restraints these physical challenges place on our abilities to accomplish the plans we conceive. I also know that God has met and is meeting me in this place – with a greater intimacy with the Father and deeper faith in His good plans. I’m headed over to SheLoves right now – you always have the best insights, my friend. Thank you for blessings my life. Please know that I’m praying for you as you take this unexpected journey – knowing that you are dearly loved. xox

    • I hear you, Patricia – and I think about you often as I wade through this hard season. Just the thought of being so dependent freaks me out, to tell you the truth. And it freaks my husband out some, too! I am trusting that God is here, even on the days discouragement feels like its winning – always so grateful to read your words here (or anywhere, for that matter!)

  4. Gwen Acres says:

    How is this poor foot attached to this wonderful lady doing? But maybe the better question is, how is the wonderful lady doing? These “rubber meets the road” experiences are so hard, but they are the ones that deepen us. Thank you Diana for sharing this rough road . You are loved by so many, including me. I hope the healing is uncomplicated and the recovery speedy.

    • I’m hanging in, Gwen. Thanks for asking. I went for a 2nd opinion to a different podiatrist and she immediately said I had the wrong kind of boot! So as of last Saturday, I’m wearing an air cast, which is SO much better. It truly keeps my ankle immobile. The swelling has gone done nicely and the pain is somewhat better as well. I have an app’t on Monday with an orthopedic surgeon – at the insistence of the 2nd podiatrist – to confirm her treatment (taping plus aircast) OR to say that surgery is actually required. So, of course, I’m praying that the surgeon will say okay! Prayers are appreciated.

      • Gwen Acres says:

        So glad you went for the second opinion!! I will be praying for you as you go to the surgeon for his opinion. In the mean time it is a true blessing to have the positive outcomes from the new boot, especially reduction in pain!

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