personal journey

January 2, 2012 By Diana

Joining the crowd growing at Alece’s place – choosing one word for 2012 – a word that will shape decisions, influence thinking, guide us into God’s presence with greater intentionality during the year ahead. And also joining with Bonnie over at The Faith Barista for her invitation at the Thursday jam session.

This choice was a tough one for me, primarily because I am by nature not a patient person. But here it is:

WAITING

Not because I want to.

Heaven knows I’m not good at it.

But because it is absolutely

central

to what it means to be

a follower after Jesus,

one who is invited

into the fellowship of

our Trinitarian God.

So.

I am waiting.

Waiting with hope.

With expectancy.

With trust.

At least that’s what I’m asking for

as I wait.

That I might be able to say with Simeon,

“NOW, O Lord, let your servant depart in peace.

For my eyes have seen your salvation…”

Not that I’m in a great big hurry to go anywhere,

not even to heaven,

truth be told.

But because the beauty of Simeon’s character

just shimmers through every word of that verse in Luke 2.

I’d like to shine like that.

And I’m guessing that learning about

waiting

is how to pick up a glimmer or two,

here and there.

I have no clue how God will use this word,

this experience,

to form me,

to buff up the shine,

to build in me a clearer reflection

of the LIGHT.

But I’m willing to lean into it

with all I’ve got.

To consistently make an effort to take my hands off

the reins of my life,

and the lives of the people I love,

and to trust that all will be well.

Even if it doesn’t turn out like I expect.

Even if it doesn’t turn out like I hope.

Even if it doesn’t turn out at all.

Because I think that’s a big part of trust, don’t you?

Turning our hands upward,

empty,

and saying,

“Thy will be done.

Thy will be done.”

And I don’t think that can happen if I am

striving,

pushing,

driving,

insisting,

worrying,

obsessing,

fretting,

otherwise trying to control things

over which I truly have no power.

I do think it might happen if I can learn more about

waiting.

So that’s my word for 2012.

Every three months or so, I’ll try and post here about how it’s going, what I’m learning, where Life is taking me.

If you need me,

I’ll be here.

Waiting.

From the Inside Out: A Guest Post

December 30, 2011 By Diana

I sit here in the warm sunlight, enjoying the Pacific Ocean as it rolls onto the sands of a nearby beach. It’s a day alone for me – a rare treat. Even in this first full year of retirement, I’m finding it hard to do. It took me a long time to learn how much I need this – time spent quietly alone.

For most of my life, I’ve had my radar turned 100% outward. Is everybody out there okay? Is there anything I can do to help if you’re not okay? And if you’re not okay right this minute, what should I be doing to help make sure you are okay within the next minute?

I was about seven years old when my mother very carefully told me that it was a daughter’s job in life to be sure her mom was okay. She didn’t use those exact words, but I got the message. Yes indeed, I most definitely got the message. Just as she had gotten the message from her mother, and my grandmother had gotten it from her mother. A strange sort of family legacy, a secret code and a very particular set of expectations: girl children, particularly eldest girl children, exist to take care of others. A long list of others – parents, first, last and always – followed closely by husbands, children, extended family, friends in trouble, anyone in need.

But here’s the deal – that kind of living can just plain wear you out. The year I turned 45, I knew I was empty. Empty.

If you’d like to read the rest of this post, may I invite you to jump over to Tamara Lunardo’s wonderful site, “Tamara Out Loud,” and read it there? About 3 months ago, Tamara invited her readers to submit possible guest posts. So I did. And lo, and behold – she opted to put it up on her space. I’m deeply grateful for her generosity – and for her open and honest presence out here in cyberspace. She always tells the truth, even when it’s hard truth, and she quite often tells it with either a.) a sharp sense of humor or b.) a deep well of compassion. And sometimes she offers up both at the same time. It’s a special place. She is currently collecting submissions for a community book based on a post of hers titled, “What’s a Woman Worth?” Once you’re over at TOL, check the archives for that one. Stunning.

Here’s the link for today’s guest post: http://tamaraoutloud.com/2011/12/29/guest-post-from-the-inside-out/ I’d be honored and grateful if you’d follow me over there.

Thanks to Carol Garvin for catching a faulty link to this post. Try this one instead: http://tamaraoutloud.com/2011/12/30/guest-post-from-the-inside-out/