Archives for October 2015

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 11 — Singing for All I’m Worth

October 11, 2015 By

I am writing this on a Tuesday morning. And Tuesdays are now very special days. Here’s why: August marked the beginning of semester number two for me to sing with the local Concert Choir at our community college. I began last January, soon after that BIG birthday event, and except for those unfortunate hospital stays during the spring, I’ve been in that rehearsal room every Tuesday of the school year.

I’ve loved to sing for as long as I can remember. Joined the kids’ choir at our downtown LA church at the tender age of five and kept right on singing in choirs until I moved to Santa Barbara at the age of 52. Nearly 40 years of being in choirs!

And then I stopped. Why? Because our church did not have a weekly choir to join, that’s why. We did sing seasonally the first few years I was here, but even that dropped away about seven or eight years ago.

Then a talented and kind woman in our congregation formed a small ensemble that sang in worship one Sunday and I was simply overwhelmed with how much I missed that kind of music. Initially, I was not a part of that group — and that, I will admit, was more painful than I ever would have guessed. In truth, it was stunning how much it hurt not to be included in their number. And in earnest conversation with my pastors and my husband, I began to realize that choral singing was a piece of my own story, my own identity, that I had buried for way too long. And I was strongly encouraged to find somewhere to sing.

So I did a little online research and found this college/community choir. And I HAVE LOVED IT. One of the hardest things about that second hospitalization was that it forced me to miss our spring concert. I am bound and determined that I will be there for the Christmas one! We’re doing Durufle’s beautiful Requiem Mass and tonight, we’re supposed to get the music for Ralph Vaughn Williams’ Five Mystical Songs — settings for poems by George Herbert, who is a favorite of mine. Not exactly typical Christmas music, but it will be fun to work through. Challenging stuff — and I’m delighted that it is. My voice is not quite as steady as it once was, but I’m still a dang good reader.

It’s interesting how the pain of exclusion served as a huge wake-up call for me, forcing me off of my duff and helping me to do a little exploration of the possibilities. This choir is roughly 50% college students — and 50% old folks from the community. Pretty much exactly what I needed right now.

And then there was this lovely bonus: I was invited to sing with that church ensemble right after their first attempt last winter — and I’m loving every minute of that, too.

What do you love to do? Has it gotten lost, maybe buried under too many other things you love (or don’t love)? How can you help all the pieces of yourself to re-emerge?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, birthdays, Confession, Delight!, Music

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 10 — Watching My Step

October 10, 2015 By

 

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Do you see that rough looking spot in the pavement in this picture? There is about an inch-and-a-half difference between the asphalt and the concrete in this particular roadway. It’s the one that circles our local cemetery here in Santa Barbara, a place I used to love to walk.

But in February of this year, my left foot — which was surgically altered ten months prior to this event — got caught on that inch-and-a-half difference and I went down, face first, into the asphalt. After I hit the ground, that poor roadway looked like this:

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Because I was on blood-thinning medication, I had to spend the next 24 hours in a hospital room, being monitored for a possible brain bleed. The hospital room came after driving myself to the ER and having stitches put into FIVE locations around my face, including inside my mouth. Thankfully, the brain bleed never materialized. 

Within about five days, this is what I looked like:

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I know, I KNOW!! Almost as bad as the roadway, and downright scary, right?

Less than three months later, I misstepped coming out of the back seat of my car after I’d gone to retrieve something while visiting my daughter. I landed on my bum, hard, and then on the back of my head. I refused to go to the ER that time, but four days later, I felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life as I turned over to get out of bed in the morning. Something tore – I could feel it. I found out later it is called the abdominal rectus sheath muscle, and that sudden, searing tear is a rare side effect of the particular blood thinner I was taking, most probably complicated by the fall at my daughter’s. That little event led to TWO nights in the hospital, with lengthy intravenous treatment to reverse the effects of the blood thinners and stop the internal bleeding. I had a humungous lump in my gut, just below my lower left rib, that slowly dissipated over the next couple of months, causing some very funky bruising all along my left side.

To say these two events were distressing is a massive understatement. The very best thing that came out of them is that I am no longer taking blood thinners — HOORAY. And the second best thing is that I am now very, very careful where I put my feet.

From my bed in the ER during that second event, I called my foot doctor and asked him to please order some specifically targeted physical therapy to help me with my balance. The surgery with its L O N G recovery (no weight-bearing for eight weeks) had left me feeling off-balance much of the time. My post-surgery therapy had worked on strengthening my newly re-created foot, but this second, targeted round of PT has made a wonderful difference in my sense of balance and I am grateful. (I still do two of the exercises every single day.)

These scary episodes have underscored for me the truth that this body, she is gettin’ up there. She simply is not what she used to be. So I find myself looking down a lot these days, being extra-careful where I walk. In fact, I am much more cautious in general. I have never been a daredevil physically, but these days, I’m an out-and-out scaredy-cat.

And that care, that caution has become something of a metaphor for me in other areas of my life as well, most particularly with words — both spoken and written. Watching my step can be applied in lots of way, it seems to me.  

What about you? Where are you becoming more cautious and watching your step as you get older?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Confession, Encouragement, Hard Things, personal journey

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 9 — Listening Well

October 9, 2015 By

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This recently finished new space is where I do my professional listening these days. I am graced with the title ‘spiritual director,’ something I began to train for during the last year of my pastoral life, continuing for two years afterwards in order to earn my certification. I’ve been listening to directees (and listening to God, I sincerely hope) for six years now, some of them for that entire time. It is one of the best gifts in my life right now.

When I’m sitting in my chair (the one on the right), I listen well. I’ve learned how, I’ve practiced and I’m getting better at it each time I do it. 

It has not always been so. In fact, in my regular life, it often still is NOT so. I had a dear and trusted friend tell me once that she felt I was always scanning the room, looking for someone more interesting to talk to whenever we engaged in one-on-one conversation.

Ouch.

That one hurt. But you know what? She was right. I began to observe myself after that comment, and her remark was spot on. Embarrassingly spot on. I was not scanning the room, looking for someone more interesting — that part, I categorically deny. I was, however, easily distracted, uncomfortable making prolonged eye contact and very busy inside my head, planning what I was going to say next. Or making a list of questions to interrupt with. Or thinking about something entirely different.

Oy vey.

So I have worked on that over these years, these later years. Without the ‘cover’ of the direction session, I am still more easily distracted than I wish I were. Part of the problem — at least in my own home, with my husband, in particular — is that I learned to read with ferocious focus when I was quite young, effectively tuning out any noise or music in my home. I have carried that with me to this day. So if I’m looking at email or texts and he says something to me, I literally do not hear him. We’re both trying to be more cognizant of the truth that we must keep on learning how to communicate well with one other.

We need to learn when to talk. And most importantly, we need to learn when to listen.

Really listen.

What about you? Are you a good listener?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Confession, Encouragement, Listening

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 8 — Looking for the Good

October 8, 2015 By

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Let me tell you about my friend, Lucille. Please. Let me tell you.

We met in 1975 when my family began attending Pasadena Covenant Church, where Lucille and her then husband Harold had been leading members for decades. She was the head honcho of the woman’s organization in the church and she was GOOD at it! Gifted organizationally and an exceptional cook, she had vision and energy to spare. At this point, she was 58 and I was 30.

If you’re any good at math, then you’ve figured out that she is now 98 years young. She has some trouble walking these days, but overall, she is still amazing. In fact, I would say, Lucille is a real pistol! In the very best way.

God put this good woman in my life at precisely the time I needed to be inspired and encouraged. She saw gifts in me and she patiently drew them out over the 21 years we worshipped and worked together in that community. She always saw the good in me. Always. And she told me about it, in ways both direct and indirect. She was, in many ways, a third mother to me — my own mom and mother-in-law being the first two. And I even looked a little bit like her daughter (and like her, too). 

Can I just tell you what a gift it is to hear from another adult whom you admire that you are a good and gifted person? It is life-changing, as a matter of fact, and I will be grateful to her and for her until the day I die.

She now lives in assisted living at the same retirement community where my mom is located. Because my mother’s condition has been so demanding, I’ve had little time to visit with her of late, but I’m making an effort to change that. Why? Because I love her. And because I’m grateful for her. And because I don’t know how much longer she’ll be here for me to sit with and smile at.

When I went to see her new little apartment (her third in this place – she started in a HUGE one with her second husband . . . which is another beautiful story I will tell some day . . . and then downsized to a still lovely smaller one when he died. And just last year, moved into assisted living. Her same beautiful things are still there and that smaller space radiates her beauty and grace in every corner.

When I went to see her, she asked me to go get a box out of one of her closets and bring it to her. Inside were some lovely needlepoint zipper bags that she had made and she insisted that I take one. “My daughter is coming soon and she’s bringing me new ones to do. I love to do it while I sit and look out the window or watch television.”

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Her beautiful handiwork sits now on my bedside table, a glorious reminder of someone I love who took the time and made the effort to see and speak the good in me. Thank you, Lucille. And thank you, Jesus.

So, where are you looking for the good in others these days? And who has seen and named the good in you?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Blessings, Church, community, Creativity, Delight!, Encouragement, friendship. personal journey, God's gifts, Gratitude

And the Winner Is . . .

October 7, 2015 By

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DRAWN FROM A FIELD OF FOURTEEN BY A VISITING FRIEND,

THE WINNER IS:

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Marsha, I’ll send you an email to get your snail mail address and then I’ll ship Deidra’s lovely book off to you tomorrow!! Congratulations!

Filed Under: Giveaway!!

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 7 — Staying Open

October 7, 2015 By

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Our new home provides visual reminders on a moment-to-moment basis that it is a very good thing to stay open to the widest view possible. We are continually stunned by what we see from the entire backside of this house — the foothills, the city (with all it’s landmarks, including the mission — twin towers, can  you spot it?)

Here, maybe this one will help:

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No matter which direction you face, there is something lovely and interesting to look at.

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And at just the right spot, you can even see a glimpse of the harbor, especially if you use the zoom feature on your iPhone camera. (Smile.)

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Although I am not interested in being ‘hip’ as an aging woman, I do want to stay at least somewhat current. I want to know what’s happening in our world, in our churches, in our families, in our communities. I want to be open to learning, changing, growing. The stereotypical picture of an old fogie is NOT what I want to become.

And it’s so easy to get there. Especially if I let yesterday’s lesson go to waste — if I choose fear over hope and joy. Many older folks are frightened, I think. And too often, they let that fear be the rudder of life. There is, under all else, the fear of death. But there are so many other things to fear — falling, failing, losing touch, life/culture/society changing beyond recognition. Yes, there are lots of things to be fearful about. But . . .

But there is also much to celebrate, to learn, to try. So . . . what if we begin to ask for hope early on in our lives? What if we make it a goal to learn more each year? What if we listen to people who disagree with us, civilly and earnestly? What if?

Maybe, just maybe, we might discover that life becomes more interesting, intriguing, palatable, maybe even more recognizable? Because let’s face it, friends:

CHANGE HAPPENS.

Things shift, ideas morph, interpretations vary. Truth is truth — but our understanding of it does not stay the same. The world has never been flat, but for a whole lotta centuries, we were sure convinced of its flatness.

For me, a huge part of aging gracefully is cultivating a desire to preferentially lean toward openness. For that to happen, there must also be a regular, practiced release of . . . all that fear.

Which is why that was yesterday’s topic. And this one is today’s. (Smile)

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Blessings, Encouragement, Lifelong Learning

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 6 — Facing Fear

October 6, 2015 By

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If I am being honest — and I want to be, to use this space to speak my own truth, as I am experiencing it — I have to admit that this past year has been laced with fear. Falling flat on my face, spending time in the hospital as a result, suffering through a torn abdominal muscle and the resulting nerf-football-sized hematoma plus low blood counts and a medicare form that read, ‘life-threatening treatment’ — all of the above has brought bouts of anxiety the likes of which I’ve never experienced before.

It’s a very scary thing to face into your own frailty, to face into the possibility of life forever changed. I’ve had some small panic attacks and flashbacks that have stopped me in my tracks in the past few months, and I’ve uttered the Jesus Prayer more times than I can possibly count.

If I let it, fear could pretty much rule my life these days. That picture at the top of the page is of a sunset we enjoyed the third week in our new home. Stunning, isn’t it? Yet, still. A sunset, right? The end of the light. The end. That’s what I could choose to focus on as a result of the anxiety level rising to code red proportions. I could so easily be a real Chicken Little type, friends. SO easily.

But I don’t want to do that. Truly, I do not. Yes, I want to be increasingly realistic about the truth that my days on this planet are stretching less far out into the future than ever before. Duh. This is true for all of us, every day, right? But do we focus on that truth?

Or do we choose to enjoy the diminishing light for as long as we possibly can? Have you ever noticed that sunsets tend to be longer than sunrises? It takes a while for that light to leave the sky. And as it fades, it can be exquisitely beautiful, sending beams of color across the sky and the landscape below. I want to be a lovely sunset, don’t you?

And I want to remember that the sun also rises. Every single day. Rain or shine. There it is, sending its beams out to nourish and sustain us, shining down on us, even through the foggiest, grayest day. For every sunset, there is a sunrise.

And there will be one for me, too. 

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This picture, taken on one of my morning walks, deep into our new neighborhood, reminds me of that truth in a powerful way. As the sin was rising this day, I could see a cruise ship come into view. A big ole boat, filled with tourists, happy to be taking in the sights and enjoying the water. Reflecting on this photo helps me to breathe out the fear, to breathe in the hope, to lean into the promised future that is mine as a child of God. Don’t know if there will be a cruise ship to ferry me there, but I’m bound and determined I’m going to enjoy the ride.

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, biblical reflection, Confession, death, Encouragement

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 5 — Finding Beauty

October 5, 2015 By

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Beauty shines. It’s all around us, all the time. But, oh! We need eyes to see it. We need intention and we need attention and we need an open heart.

Lord, open the eyes of my heart, the eyes in my head. 

No matter our age, the truth is always the truth. And here’s the truth: our God is a God of beauty, a God who loves beauty, a God who makes beauty. 

And it shines!

Through the back of a pink hibiscus.

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Through the tassels in long grass.

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Even from a string of new lights from Cost Plus/World Market!

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You can find it in the clouds that roil and roll, and the water that glistens below.
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You can see it in the whiteness of the bluffs as they meet the water and in the reflection they create in a pond of scummy slough water.

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And that scum supports a long list of beautiful shore birds. Beauty downright startles in the silhouette of the greater heron, with his elegant white coat and his bright yellow feet.

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And beauty delights us as we eat our dinner and enjoy the momentary quietude of this small winged creature. 

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And, I gotta tell you that it is beauty that smiles back at me in the handiwork of our much-loved son-in-law, who makes it possible for books to sit on their own shelves and files to nestle in their own drawers. He even added a spotlight to make it all look downright heavenly.

Where are you finding beauty these days?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Birds, Gratitude, personal journey, photography

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 4 — Sizing Down

October 4, 2015 By

 

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Those of you who are subscribed to my semi-monthly newsletter have been following along on our latest adventure over here on the central coast of California. On August 10th of this year, we moved from this God-given home set up against the foothills, a place of refuge and retreat for us for the past 18 years. It is located on an acre, with a long driveway and large parking area, a pool in the backyard and loads of fruit trees and roses all over the place. Plus about 3,000 square feet inside, perfect for entertaining — both church groups and family. We found it after nearly five months of searching, me living in a parishioner’s guest house and my husband making the 120 mile commute during the middle three days of each week. And it was a gift when it landed in our lives. A gift.

But the times, they are SO changing! We’ve been retired from our former lives for almost five years now, both of us finding other meaningful work to do and many more hours in the week to spend putzing around our home. And we began to realize that we didn’t need quite so much home to putz in anymore. So I spent about 18 months looking and praying and last spring, this little gem showed up. Tiny yard, about 1000 less square feet, and a view from the entire back of the house. It’s a 1950’s tract house, yet still has character and we are just now settling into it fully, after many weeks of renovation here and there. (Mostly adding built-ins full of shelves for our too-many books. Even after purging, there were a lotta them things!)

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Those twice-a-month newsletters have been full of before-and-after pictures, plus some reflecting on what it means to us to choose to do this now, while we’re still sturdy enough to endure the slings and arrows of a physical move. Neither of our parental sets made this move soon enough — they were in their 80s and our dads were each terribly frail and ill. Neither of our moms was able to make choices about what to keep and what to toss, so their kids ended up doing the biggest part of that particular load. After touring our local retirement community (and putting our names on the the wait list — which tends to be many years long!), we opted to size down now by moving ten minutes away, and continuing in home ownership.

One of the big plusses of this house is a good-sized family room (every other room is quite a bit smaller than our previous home) which has its own bathroom and an outside entrance. We figured that if we should ever need a live-in caregiver, that space would be perfect.

Hopefully, that won’t happen.  But you never know, do you?

No, we don’t. We just do not.

We’re glad we made this choice, even though we’re both feelin’ the aches and pains of harder physical labor than we’ve done in a while! It’s a good space for us, we even love our tiny little bedroom-with-a-city-view. PLUS — each of us has a small study. And that, I might add, is ESSENTIAL, if it is at all possible. A long-married couple needs a little space from one another when they’re together pretty much 24/7, know what I mean?

Downsizing has been a good idea. And I’m thinking all the time about ways in which the principles learned in our crosstown move might apply to other areas of living as well.

Have any of you downsized in some way? What are the plusses and minuses for you??

Feel free to share my button, on your own blog, or in social media circles:

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Blessings, Encouragement

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 3 — Slowing Down

October 3, 2015 By


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Can you see those pretty things out there? They’re small from this view, taking up very little space on the horizon. Every Wednesday evening during the summer months, these little beauties sail out of the harbor and enjoy the long light and gentle breezes we greedily absorb here in Santa Barbara. 

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They hold between one and four sailors each, and look so jaunty and graceful as they catch the wind and sail off.

The truth, of course, is that these small craft generally move fairly slowly, compared to larger, motorized boats. It’s also true, that on a good wind, they can dart around very quickly indeed. But overall, sailing is not done for speed, do you think? It’s done for the exhilaration of being out on the water and moving across it with agility. There is something to be said for taking the motor off, I think.

Big engines are important and have certainly changed our world, mostly for the better. We can cross oceans and continents in very little time these days. But sometimes, it’s good to sail rather than motor. Good to take a little time to look around, to pay attention, to feel the wind in your face or at your back. Sometimes, it’s good to slow down, just a little.

With age, comes slowing. It’s necessary and it’s good, though we tend to fight it pretty hard. Even if you work to keep in shape, if you eat well and exercise regularly, your body cannot move as quickly as it once did. And sometimes you even need a nap in the middle of the day! Imagine that. 

But there is a bonus to lessening energy and speed. Would you like to know what it is?

You really get to enjoy the view.

Like these small watercraft, you can look around at all the hustling, engine-driven boats and cars on the shore or in the harbor and you can breathe in and breathe out with joy and thanks. Why? Because you’re going at just the right speed. It feels pretty fast to you, in point of fact. It feels just right.

And that is a very good thing.

Feel free to share my button, on your own blog, or in social media circles:

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Slowing Down
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