SheLoves: Tuning In

October 25, 2014 By

Once again, it’s the last Saturday of the month and I’m joining the amazing crew at SheLoves Magazine. This month, we’re writing about listening. I took a very personal slant on that idea this time around . . .
IMG_4354

I took a short walk at the beach today, the first time since early June. I was slow, my stride was short, my right hip hurts, my left heel hurts, but . . . I took a walk at the beach today. You have no idea how much freedom is contained in that short sentence.

I took a walk at the beach today.

I’m sitting in the shade this afternoon, enjoying the clarity of the water, the light fuzziness of the skyline, the crowds of local people, enjoying the beauty of the beach. It’s very nice to be back in the school routine, not the tourist routine. There is parking!

There is room for me once again.”

These are journaling words from mid-September, written about 48 hours after being released from a heavy boot and the restrictions of a walker. I was finally able to wear TWO shoes after a long stretch (almost 14 weeks) of one-footed-ness while in various stages of recovery from foot surgery in early June.

It was that day that I knew I had turned a corner. Why? Because something about being near the ocean invites me to listen differently. To listen to the scene around me — the rhythm of the water against the shore, the call of the gulls, the splash and squeal of children getting wet, the gentle conversations of friends and family in different configurations along the water line.  And to listen to the sweet voice of God, reminding me that I am seen, I am loved. All of it was welcome, familiar, comforting, a reminder that there is a bigger world than the confines of my bedroom. There is a bigger God than the one I had been imagining while confined!

When you are ill, or in the midst of a long recovery of some kind, listening well becomes problematic and strangely difficult.  There is solitude to be found, that is most certainly true! But it’s a strange kind of solitude, not intentional, but enforced by circumstances beyond your control. And sometimes that enforced solitude can mean turning inward in ways that are not always healthy.

I am discovering that there is a difference between turning inward to hear from the gentle voice of the Spirit and turning inward to be assaulted by the anxieties and struggles of my own sick self. Finding my way through that particular thicket has not always been easy during this stretch of time.

 Please follow the link on over there, won’t you?

Filed Under: Aging, Blessings, Confession, Encouragement, God's gifts, personal journey, SheLoves

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Small Gifts

October 24, 2014 By

DSC02442 Addie's gift box

I have some delightful friends that I have yet to meet. That is the glory of this thing called cyberspace. And about two weeks after my surgery last summer, I got this little box in the mail. I had no idea who it was from and happily ripped into it.

The delightful contents shown above are what the box contained, but this was the first thing I saw as I opened it up:

DSC02443 box of sunshine

And it was exactly that: a little box of sunshine. Everything in it was yellow, from plush tea towels to boxes of candy to smiley face stickers. All of it, yellow.

And I laughed out loud from the joy of it all. In truth, I received a number of delightful surprise boxes from a lot of my internet friends — my deep thanks to each one of you. But this is the only one that came from someone I have yet to meet IRL. So thank you, Addie Zierman, for making my day back then. And thank you for inspiring me to do something like this for someone else someday.

It is the little things, isn’t it?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Encouragement, friendship. personal journey, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Support

October 22, 2014 By

DSC02837 crooked tree

This is an old eucalyptus tree, down by the beach where I love to walk or sit and look. I happened to notice it a few days ago, while I was resting after a good walk. Do you see how crooked some of those branches are? And how the one on the bottom is sort of holding up the bigger one just above it?

I’ve looked at this tree dozens of times, but this is the first time that I noticed how gnarled it is. And how the branches are helping each other grow.

And I reflected for a few minutes on all the ‘branches’ that have helped me to grow over this long life of mine. My parents, my brothers, my extended family, my husband, my in-laws, my children, my grandchildren, my close friends, my professors, my fellow students, my parishioners, my directees. It’s a long list!

So when I got back home and looked carefully at this picture, I just took a minute to say ‘thank you’ for all the good, sturdy branches God has put around me.

Who has supported you along the way?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Encouragement, friendship. personal journey, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Surprises

October 19, 2014 By

DSC02769 pepper berries

I volunteered to be a spiritual director for some faculty and staff from a nearby college who were on a one-day retreat near where I live. I was both anxious and excited about this opportunity to listen to people I did not know and prayerfully see where God might be moving in their lives.

Because my recovery from foot surgery is still progressing, I was also nervous about the grounds of this retreat site. We would be meeting outdoors and I still have some difficulty navigating uneven ground.

When I got there, I soon saw that there was a small, concrete patio behind the retreat house, already waiting with two chairs and a small table. Perfect! Thank you, Lord.

One of the things I’ve been learning throughout this long recovery is that I must carefully steward my energies and stamina. So I signed up for two directees, in the mid morning slots. About six slots were available and I chose just those two.

Between my two sessions, I sat back in my chair and tried to breathe deeply and release all the pent-up anxiety in my body. And I began to look around this small space. Just to my left, I caught this glimpse of a pepper tree, berries in full bloom.

Something about those small red berries, hanging so beautifully amid the feathery pepper greenery brought such sweetness to my heart. I find them quite lovely and am always surprised when I discover a tree in bloom with them. Clearly, it doesn’t take much to make me smile. Just a serendipitous reminder that God’s good work of creation is ongoing and lovely. It’s the little things, you know?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, Encouragement, Enough, Fighting Scarcity, Looking for the Little, Trees

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Perspective

October 17, 2014 By

DSC01222 cruise ship

I know, I know. Just two weeks ago, I wrote about the HUGE cruise ship in our harbor. I was comparing it to the small shore birds that I find so fascinating.

And you’re right — it is huge. But here’s what I want to remember today. Standing on the ship, or next to the ship, or even across the harbor from the ship, it does look huge. And it is, indeed, very large.

But seen here, on the page, or from high on the hill behind my house, that huge ship looks tiny. Yes, it does. If you can get far enough away from it, and see it against the backdrop of the great Pacific Ocean, that thing looks tiny.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s so very true. The size of things can shift, depending on our perspective. This is something I am continually learning! I can too easily get stuck in a worry-cycle over things that require me to take a giant step back, and look at again. 

How do you remind yourself to change your perspective when things feel overwhelming?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Encouragement, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Provision

October 16, 2014 By

DSC00943 loaves & fishes 2

I wrote about these small things in the same post I linked to yesterday. This basket is about two inches square. Two inches. And it contains seven items I chose myself, at a small store that features lots of miniature things.

Can you see what they are? Five loaves and two fish. Exactly the amount of food that the troubled disciples brought to Jesus when the 5,000 were seating themselves on the grass that late afternoon. 

Just a little lunch basket’s worth, that’s all. Five loaves and two fish. And yet . . . there was enough. More than enough.

I find myself feeling like those disciples way too often. Doubting the Lord’s goodness, doubting the Lord’s willingness to ‘feed’ me, doubting the Lord’s power and ability to provide what I need. Maybe you do, too.

I bought this little set just a few months into my job here in Santa Barbara. I was feeling overwhelmed by all there was to learn, all there was to do. And I needed a visible, tactile, small reminder that God is faithful. That little basket is one of my favorite possessions. God has used it to remind me, over and over again, that there will be provision. Maybe not exactly as I dreamed it or thought I needed it, but there will be. 

How do you remember the faithfulness of God?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, biblical reflection, Encouragement, Enough, God's gifts, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Seeds

October 12, 2014 By

DSC01308 papaya seeds

Have you ever cut a papaya in half? They’re filled with hundreds of small, round, black seeds! And they are beautiful.

For much of my life, I couldn’t be bothered with papayas. I thought of them as strangely shaped tropical fruit that grew on really weird trees. And they smelled just a tiny bit like dirty feet!

But then one vacation, we ate at a breakfast buffet where they featured slices of fresh papaya, and I was hooked. I especially love these large, red ones from Mexico. Total yum.

But the day I cut this one open, I was fascinated by the little stuff inside the fruit. So I took this picture and I’ve loved looking at ever since. Seeds are miracles, you know? Just tiny things, but containing within themselves a whole new life.

But of course, in order for that life to take root, the seed itself has to disappear. It has to die. It has to open itself and be completely transformed into something new. 

So much of this life of faith is like that, don’t you think? We, too, must ‘die,’ in a sense. At least our false selves need to die — those personas we carry around to show the world that we’re-just-fine-thank-you, that shell that we protect ourselves with. It’s gotta go.

Because it’s only when we let that shell slough off that the beautiful newness the Holy Spirit is growing in us can be seen and experienced. 

Yes, I love seeds. Even though they have to sacrifice something in order for new life to flourish. Maybe especially because they do.

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, death, Encouragement, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Moments that Make Me Smile

October 11, 2014 By

IMG_3994 Griffin's cat

It only took a minute. Just a minute. My grandson told me to turn my head and watch his cat, Dexter. So, I did.

And what I saw made me want to laugh out loud! Only, I didn’t because I didn’t want to frighten Dexter — I wanted him to stand there forever, just looking with longing at the yard.

He soon moved onto something new, of course, but that moment salvaged an afternoon that had been tiring and occasionally upsetting. He’s just a small cat, and it was just a small moment.

But it made me smile.

And there is nothing small about that.

What are the little things that can bring a smile to your lips, even when you’re moving through a bad day?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Encouragement, Fun, Laughter, Looking for the Little

Did You Say SHORTS? A Guest Post for Jamie Wright

October 8, 2014 By

I had a fun thing happen! On a whim, I left a comment at TheVeryWorstMissionary.com when Jamie offered a giveaway of three guest post opps. And I WON! Begin fear and trembling. What in the name of heaven does an old lady have to say to such a young, hip crowd as those who read this woman’s amazing words? She was encouraging and I stewed and prayed for about four days, and then, this came pouring out. You can start here and then follow me on over to her place to read the rest . . . 320-main treadmillGetting old is ripe with indignities. Go ahead, ask me how I know. I watch my 93-year-old mom take daily steps further into the haze of dementia, and I fear for the future. And then I realize — the future is here. Yowza.

In four months, I will be 70 years old. 7-0. I remember struggling a bit with 35, taking a deep breath at 40, sort of reveling in 50 and feeling resolute about 60. But 70? The word that comes to mind is sobering. Also? More than a little bit humiliating.

Case in point. About a year ago, I injured my left foot while taking a morning walk — on vacation, no less. That led to a couple of months of physical therapy, which led to a different injury, same foot, which led to three months of tests, boots, ice packs, and assorted piles of pillows.

Ultimately, a new set of x-rays revealed a congenitally crooked heel bone, which had likely led to the two tendon insults in the first place, one of which proved to be a nearly irreparable tear.

And that meant surgery — to break and reset (with two titanium screws) that gnarly bone problem and to clean-up and re-connect the bashed tendon.  Which meant, NO weight-bearing for a minimum of two months.

And? Ta-da. MORE physical therapy.

I am happy to report that I am now walking, in two shoes, and trying to re-learn how to move this elderly ankle of mine. And just last week, I was invited to try out a brand, spankin’ new, space-age treadmill called the Super G.

What they did not tell me is that to use this machine, I had to wriggle myself into a pair of strangely shaped walking shorts made of neoprene. Listen to me now — I have not worn shorts of any kind in over twenty years. Twenty years.

Even when I was younger, stronger, and more shapely, getting into this particular pair of shorts would have been a good trick. Now? Holy Toledo, it is . . . well, humiliating.

In a good way, of course. Yeah, that is pretty much the oxymoron of the century, I know. But what this strange, gravity-defying machine is teaching me is that sometimes humiliation can be a very good thing.

Come on over to Jamie’s good place and encourage the old lady, okay?

Filed Under: Aging, Blessings, Confession, Encouragement, personal journey, Suffering

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Bright Spots

October 5, 2014 By

 

IMG_4265 geraniums on balcony

I try to take my mom out to lunch about once each week. She lives ten minutes from us, in a lovely dementia care assisted living unit that is part of a much larger, 3-stage retirement community.

I pick her up, find her pink sun visor, and we begin our S L O W walk outside, up the elevator and down the long, covered, outdoor corridor to the new Life Center building.

Inside is a wonderful cafe, with a brick oven for fresh pizza, and a nice selection of sandwiches and salads. Her favorites are the cheeseburger and cheese pizza. Sometimes a hot dog.

These lunchtimes are a very mixed experience. It’s lovely to just sit with her in the outdoor, covered patio. We enjoy the food and each other’s company. But when she tries to make conversation, it can get dicey. She finds it harder and harder to tell me what she’s thinking. And she knows it. Sometimes when she’s struggling — and there is no way I can help her as I don’t know where she’s headed — I find my eyes wandering.

And these bright pink geraniums on a nearby second-story balcony are often what I choose to focus on. Why? Because they’re bright and beautiful, a reminder that life is good and rich as well as difficult and painful. 

Somehow, they always make me feel better. Then I can give Mom my full attention, tell her how sorry I am that it’s such a struggle for her, and together, we find our way to another quiet space. 

Where do you need a spot of brightness in your life these days?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, Blessings, Encouragement, Looking for the Little, The Journey with Mom
« Previous Page
Next Page »