31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 7 — Staying Open

October 7, 2015 By

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Our new home provides visual reminders on a moment-to-moment basis that it is a very good thing to stay open to the widest view possible. We are continually stunned by what we see from the entire backside of this house — the foothills, the city (with all it’s landmarks, including the mission — twin towers, can  you spot it?)

Here, maybe this one will help:

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No matter which direction you face, there is something lovely and interesting to look at.

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And at just the right spot, you can even see a glimpse of the harbor, especially if you use the zoom feature on your iPhone camera. (Smile.)

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Although I am not interested in being ‘hip’ as an aging woman, I do want to stay at least somewhat current. I want to know what’s happening in our world, in our churches, in our families, in our communities. I want to be open to learning, changing, growing. The stereotypical picture of an old fogie is NOT what I want to become.

And it’s so easy to get there. Especially if I let yesterday’s lesson go to waste — if I choose fear over hope and joy. Many older folks are frightened, I think. And too often, they let that fear be the rudder of life. There is, under all else, the fear of death. But there are so many other things to fear — falling, failing, losing touch, life/culture/society changing beyond recognition. Yes, there are lots of things to be fearful about. But . . .

But there is also much to celebrate, to learn, to try. So . . . what if we begin to ask for hope early on in our lives? What if we make it a goal to learn more each year? What if we listen to people who disagree with us, civilly and earnestly? What if?

Maybe, just maybe, we might discover that life becomes more interesting, intriguing, palatable, maybe even more recognizable? Because let’s face it, friends:

CHANGE HAPPENS.

Things shift, ideas morph, interpretations vary. Truth is truth — but our understanding of it does not stay the same. The world has never been flat, but for a whole lotta centuries, we were sure convinced of its flatness.

For me, a huge part of aging gracefully is cultivating a desire to preferentially lean toward openness. For that to happen, there must also be a regular, practiced release of . . . all that fear.

Which is why that was yesterday’s topic. And this one is today’s. (Smile)

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Blessings, Encouragement, Lifelong Learning

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 6 — Facing Fear

October 6, 2015 By

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If I am being honest — and I want to be, to use this space to speak my own truth, as I am experiencing it — I have to admit that this past year has been laced with fear. Falling flat on my face, spending time in the hospital as a result, suffering through a torn abdominal muscle and the resulting nerf-football-sized hematoma plus low blood counts and a medicare form that read, ‘life-threatening treatment’ — all of the above has brought bouts of anxiety the likes of which I’ve never experienced before.

It’s a very scary thing to face into your own frailty, to face into the possibility of life forever changed. I’ve had some small panic attacks and flashbacks that have stopped me in my tracks in the past few months, and I’ve uttered the Jesus Prayer more times than I can possibly count.

If I let it, fear could pretty much rule my life these days. That picture at the top of the page is of a sunset we enjoyed the third week in our new home. Stunning, isn’t it? Yet, still. A sunset, right? The end of the light. The end. That’s what I could choose to focus on as a result of the anxiety level rising to code red proportions. I could so easily be a real Chicken Little type, friends. SO easily.

But I don’t want to do that. Truly, I do not. Yes, I want to be increasingly realistic about the truth that my days on this planet are stretching less far out into the future than ever before. Duh. This is true for all of us, every day, right? But do we focus on that truth?

Or do we choose to enjoy the diminishing light for as long as we possibly can? Have you ever noticed that sunsets tend to be longer than sunrises? It takes a while for that light to leave the sky. And as it fades, it can be exquisitely beautiful, sending beams of color across the sky and the landscape below. I want to be a lovely sunset, don’t you?

And I want to remember that the sun also rises. Every single day. Rain or shine. There it is, sending its beams out to nourish and sustain us, shining down on us, even through the foggiest, grayest day. For every sunset, there is a sunrise.

And there will be one for me, too. 

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This picture, taken on one of my morning walks, deep into our new neighborhood, reminds me of that truth in a powerful way. As the sin was rising this day, I could see a cruise ship come into view. A big ole boat, filled with tourists, happy to be taking in the sights and enjoying the water. Reflecting on this photo helps me to breathe out the fear, to breathe in the hope, to lean into the promised future that is mine as a child of God. Don’t know if there will be a cruise ship to ferry me there, but I’m bound and determined I’m going to enjoy the ride.

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, biblical reflection, Confession, death, Encouragement

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 5 — Finding Beauty

October 5, 2015 By

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Beauty shines. It’s all around us, all the time. But, oh! We need eyes to see it. We need intention and we need attention and we need an open heart.

Lord, open the eyes of my heart, the eyes in my head. 

No matter our age, the truth is always the truth. And here’s the truth: our God is a God of beauty, a God who loves beauty, a God who makes beauty. 

And it shines!

Through the back of a pink hibiscus.

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Through the tassels in long grass.

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Even from a string of new lights from Cost Plus/World Market!

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You can find it in the clouds that roil and roll, and the water that glistens below.
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You can see it in the whiteness of the bluffs as they meet the water and in the reflection they create in a pond of scummy slough water.

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And that scum supports a long list of beautiful shore birds. Beauty downright startles in the silhouette of the greater heron, with his elegant white coat and his bright yellow feet.

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And beauty delights us as we eat our dinner and enjoy the momentary quietude of this small winged creature. 

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And, I gotta tell you that it is beauty that smiles back at me in the handiwork of our much-loved son-in-law, who makes it possible for books to sit on their own shelves and files to nestle in their own drawers. He even added a spotlight to make it all look downright heavenly.

Where are you finding beauty these days?

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Birds, Gratitude, personal journey, photography

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 4 — Sizing Down

October 4, 2015 By

 

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Those of you who are subscribed to my semi-monthly newsletter have been following along on our latest adventure over here on the central coast of California. On August 10th of this year, we moved from this God-given home set up against the foothills, a place of refuge and retreat for us for the past 18 years. It is located on an acre, with a long driveway and large parking area, a pool in the backyard and loads of fruit trees and roses all over the place. Plus about 3,000 square feet inside, perfect for entertaining — both church groups and family. We found it after nearly five months of searching, me living in a parishioner’s guest house and my husband making the 120 mile commute during the middle three days of each week. And it was a gift when it landed in our lives. A gift.

But the times, they are SO changing! We’ve been retired from our former lives for almost five years now, both of us finding other meaningful work to do and many more hours in the week to spend putzing around our home. And we began to realize that we didn’t need quite so much home to putz in anymore. So I spent about 18 months looking and praying and last spring, this little gem showed up. Tiny yard, about 1000 less square feet, and a view from the entire back of the house. It’s a 1950’s tract house, yet still has character and we are just now settling into it fully, after many weeks of renovation here and there. (Mostly adding built-ins full of shelves for our too-many books. Even after purging, there were a lotta them things!)

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Those twice-a-month newsletters have been full of before-and-after pictures, plus some reflecting on what it means to us to choose to do this now, while we’re still sturdy enough to endure the slings and arrows of a physical move. Neither of our parental sets made this move soon enough — they were in their 80s and our dads were each terribly frail and ill. Neither of our moms was able to make choices about what to keep and what to toss, so their kids ended up doing the biggest part of that particular load. After touring our local retirement community (and putting our names on the the wait list — which tends to be many years long!), we opted to size down now by moving ten minutes away, and continuing in home ownership.

One of the big plusses of this house is a good-sized family room (every other room is quite a bit smaller than our previous home) which has its own bathroom and an outside entrance. We figured that if we should ever need a live-in caregiver, that space would be perfect.

Hopefully, that won’t happen.  But you never know, do you?

No, we don’t. We just do not.

We’re glad we made this choice, even though we’re both feelin’ the aches and pains of harder physical labor than we’ve done in a while! It’s a good space for us, we even love our tiny little bedroom-with-a-city-view. PLUS — each of us has a small study. And that, I might add, is ESSENTIAL, if it is at all possible. A long-married couple needs a little space from one another when they’re together pretty much 24/7, know what I mean?

Downsizing has been a good idea. And I’m thinking all the time about ways in which the principles learned in our crosstown move might apply to other areas of living as well.

Have any of you downsized in some way? What are the plusses and minuses for you??

Feel free to share my button, on your own blog, or in social media circles:

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Blessings, Encouragement

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 3 — Slowing Down

October 3, 2015 By


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Can you see those pretty things out there? They’re small from this view, taking up very little space on the horizon. Every Wednesday evening during the summer months, these little beauties sail out of the harbor and enjoy the long light and gentle breezes we greedily absorb here in Santa Barbara. 

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They hold between one and four sailors each, and look so jaunty and graceful as they catch the wind and sail off.

The truth, of course, is that these small craft generally move fairly slowly, compared to larger, motorized boats. It’s also true, that on a good wind, they can dart around very quickly indeed. But overall, sailing is not done for speed, do you think? It’s done for the exhilaration of being out on the water and moving across it with agility. There is something to be said for taking the motor off, I think.

Big engines are important and have certainly changed our world, mostly for the better. We can cross oceans and continents in very little time these days. But sometimes, it’s good to sail rather than motor. Good to take a little time to look around, to pay attention, to feel the wind in your face or at your back. Sometimes, it’s good to slow down, just a little.

With age, comes slowing. It’s necessary and it’s good, though we tend to fight it pretty hard. Even if you work to keep in shape, if you eat well and exercise regularly, your body cannot move as quickly as it once did. And sometimes you even need a nap in the middle of the day! Imagine that. 

But there is a bonus to lessening energy and speed. Would you like to know what it is?

You really get to enjoy the view.

Like these small watercraft, you can look around at all the hustling, engine-driven boats and cars on the shore or in the harbor and you can breathe in and breathe out with joy and thanks. Why? Because you’re going at just the right speed. It feels pretty fast to you, in point of fact. It feels just right.

And that is a very good thing.

Feel free to share my button, on your own blog, or in social media circles:

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Slowing Down

31 Days of Aging Gracefully – Day 2: Living in Gratitude

October 2, 2015 By

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“Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver you.” — Job 12:12

I have got the gray hair DOWN.

Just like my father before me, the hair around my face started to turn white over ten years ago. Gradually, it spread and now is pretty much white all over this old head of mine. Fortunately, I like it. It took a little adjusting, but I figured — hey, I used to spend a fair amount of money paying my lovely hairstylist (also a friend) to weave blonder hair through my dark ash. At about the age of 60, I no longer needed to do that.

Score!

There are a few other signs of advancing years that are not quite so easy to accept, however: joints that wear out, skin that sags and grows strange, dark spots as well as completely unacceptable hairs in some places and absolutely none in others. Ahem. There are definitely losses that come with the gift of years and I think they must be grieved and released.

But.

If I’ve learned anything at all in the difficult year just past, it is this: every single minute of life is a gift. Period. And none of us is guaranteed any of it. Serious illness or injury can happen in a heartbeat and we can never know which breath might be our last. I do not mean that in a morbid or maudlin way. Not at all. I just want to underscore the important truth that length of life is beyond our control. Yes, there are healthy habits we can endorse to help however many years we live to be more comfortable (perhaps!), but how long we live is not up to us.

Adopting the attitude that every minute we breathe is a gift from above can do wonders for any negative thoughts we might carry with us about the process of aging. Yes, we can still moan about the difficulties. But around and underneath and encircling all of that moaning, there needs to be something else, something even more basic and life-giving. There needs to be gratitude. Deep, overflowing wells of it.

Being grateful is the single most potent life-extending medicine I know anything about. And practicing gratitude, repeatedly and often, is good for the soul as well as the heart, lungs, and brain. This is the number one lesson to be learned if we want to enter into the last years of our lives with grace and confidence:

SAY THANK YOU.

Over and over again.

Thank you to God, for the gift of this life and this world. Thank you to family and friends for loving us and putting up with us. Thank you to the clerk at the grocery store, to the man who picks up our garbage, to the people who help you care for your garden or your home, to the children you see playing in the neighborhood, to the birds who flit by and make your life more joyful, to the roof that covers you safely at night, to the floor which holds you up and keeps you out of the dirt. Everything is a gift.

Do you see it?

Feel free to share my button, on your own blog or in any form of social media you choose:

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Encouragement, Gratitude

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Remembering

October 31, 2014 By
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As this 31-Day Challenge draws to its close, it seems fitting to go back to where we began: with a picture of my littlest grandgirl’s shoes.
They’re not resting on our warm wooden floors in this shot. Instead, they’re sitting on the concrete deck of the swimming pool at the condo we rented on Maui. You can see some mud stains from all the rain puddles left over from tropical storm/hurricane Ana, which almost truncated our trip before it began. 
I remember when that original photo triggered the idea for this entire series, and when I do, I am grateful for the inspiration, and even more, for the process of writing each of these small pieces. I cannot remember a time when I’ve had more fun blogging than I have this past month.
It’s a really good thing to remember, isn’t it? Scripture admonishes us to do that very thing — over and over again. To recount our story, to tell it to our children and our grandchildren.
And it’s that idea which is behind the Ignatian practice of examen, a daily discipline that has been adapted in all kinds of ways by all kinds of people in the last few centuries.
Because of the particular journey I’ve been on the last few months, my nightly version is short and sweet. As I drift off to sleep, I call to mind every blessing of the day just past, beginning with small things and moving through to the bigger ones — like my husband and my family and my faith. 
It’s just a small thing, this nightly remembering, but it has been the single biggest part of my own recovery, both physically and emotionally. Spending those few minutes being grateful has done more to restore health and sanity than any other single thing I’ve done. 
And it starts with remembering . . .
Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, Blogging, community, daily devo, Encouragement, God's gifts, Grandparenting, Looking for the Little, personal journey, Spiritual Formation, The Little Things

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Shared Moments of Delight — a Guest Post!

October 30, 2014 By
One of the sweetest things about this internet world is the connections that can be made — connections across time and distance, life experience and life stage. One of my dearest ‘finds’ has been Kelly Chripczuk, who writes beautiful words over at “A Field of Wildflowers.” Turns out she is a licensed pastor in the same denomination in which my husband was raised and with whom we served in Africa over forty years ago. She wrote this sweet, small piece and asked if I thought it might fit in with this 31-Day series. YES, indeed, it does! Delightfully. Thank you so much, Kelly.
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Kelly Chripczuk is a Spiritual Director, Writer and Speaker who lives in Central Pennsylvania with her husband and four kids.  She writes and speaks on the topics of identity, anxiety, transition and the practice of noticing and receiving the love of God in the midst of daily life.  You can find her blogging at www.afieldofwildflowers.blogspot.com or follow her on facebook athttps://www.facebook.com/AFieldOfWildFlowers.
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It’s a rare Sunday evening with no school on Monday.  To celebrate, we’re having a “pizza party” in the living room, the six of us gathered around the lap top with paper plates filled with pizza and chips.  The older kids, my husband and I line up along the old leather couch and the three-year-old twins sit in front of us in little plastic chairs, their plates resting on the old scarred piano bench. 

The kids watch the movie and my husband I alternate between watching the movie and watching our children.  We share looks over their heads as entertained by their perceptions of the show as we are by the movie itself.  Then this little exchange, so precious and sweet, takes place between the twins:

“Yours yummy?”  Isaiah asks, holding a sour cream and onion potato chip in one hand, his faced turned toward his brother who doesn’t hear him.

“Yours yummy, Yevi?” he persists, raising his already loud little boy voice and replacing the unpronounceable “L” of Levi with a “y.”

“Huh?” his brother finally replies, turning to look him in the eye.

“Yours yummy?” Isaiah wants to know.

“Yeah, yummy!” Levi replies with unmistakable enthusiasm.  “Sometimes me dip it on my pizza like this,” he adds, demonstrating his method of scraping a chip across the top layer of pizza.

“Yeah,” says Isaiah, turning back to the show with the satisfaction of their shared pleasure evident in his voice. 

Witnessing this from behind, my husband I smile with our hands over our mouths, our hearts savoring the bond of companionship so deep, so sweet, in ones so little.  We’re delighted by their delight, our hearts awakened to joy through this small moment of pleasure shared.

 

What small moments of delight have you experienced lately?  

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, Delight!, Encouragement, Guest Post, Uncategorized

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Serendipity

October 28, 2014 By

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Because we are traveling the last half of this month, I’m working way ahead on these October posts. And it’s been so much fun! 

We’ve been experiencing a particularly harsh heat wave here in southern and central California as I write, and sleep is sometimes difficult. The French doors in our bedroom face east, and they are usually closed with blackout shades in place. But because of the heat, we kept one door open all night last night, and the light streaming in woke me earlier than usual.

I am not a morning person. Let me repeat that. I am NOT a morning person. But every once in a while, I get a glimpse into why it might be a good thing to be one. 

When I grudgingly cracked open my eyes today, this is what I saw. The rising sun coloring the clouds, silhouetting the trees behind our home. 

It was just a minute or two — sunrises never last as long as sunsets — but it was pure glory all the while. A small moment of serendipity, wouldn’t you say?

Maybe I could get used to this early morning routine. . .

Nah!

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, God's gifts, Looking for the Little

31 Days of Looking for the Little: Monotones

October 27, 2014 By

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When I am in a garden space, I’m used to looking for the most brilliant color I can find. I love colors! And lots of them, too. But one day a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling tired and little bit blue, so I went outside for an hour or so.

I sat in a comfy chair, put my feet up and laid my head back, talking to God in a very general way. And then I was quiet.

I often find it helps to stop talking. Somehow it makes room for the other, maybe especially so for the Other. 

So I began to practice one of my favorite quiet meditative practices — I took out my camera. And I just looked around my yard for something interesting to shoot. These berries caught the sunlight at just the right angle, and I was mesmerized.

Sometimes my desire for lots of color robs me of the opportunity to enjoy God’s gift of one color. Monotones, I’m discovering, can be very restful. Try looking for something in your yard that has different textures, but is all one color. Then sit and stare at it for a few minutes, contemplating the angles, the way the light falls, the innate quiet of a single color.

What did you discover? 

Just Wondering
Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Beauty, Blessings
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