31 Day Blogging Challenge

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 17 — Celebrating the Small

October 17, 2015 By Diana

You know what? It really is the little things. Those small spots of beauty and grace that make up our days. Moments, miracles, details. These are the things that speak to our hearts, fill us with gratitude, remind us we are loved, reveal the beauty that is beneath everything. Look for them. Speak them aloud. Say, ‘thank you,’ to God, to the universe, to whoever made that moment happen for you. It’s the best way I know to fully inhabit your life, to see it for the gift of grace that it is, no matter how bad your day may be going, how lousy you feel, how mad you are at someone (or at life in general!). If we can see the small beauties around us, then we can remember who we are.

Walking through Cost Plus, just lookin’ around, and nearly tripping over a strange little pocketed stand that had drawer hardware scattered throughout. Who knew Cost Plus carried drawer knobs? What I needed exactly, right there in front of me. Cracked turquoise glass ones and lovely soft green ceramic ones. One set for our new bedroom drawers, one set for the ones in my study. Gift, pure gift. And I wasn’t even looking for hardware that day.

Ditto this small side chair. We had a stuffed chair and ottoman that we moved into our living room. But it was too big and bulky for this new, smaller space. And my daughter could use it. So. . . what about something smaller? And there it was, well-priced, well-made, perfect color. And we love it. Score!

And, of course, the smallest of our grandkiddos, who also are the ones who live closest to us. They are constant reminders of the goodness of God, the beauty of childhood and the truth that only little ones can speak and live. This was the first day of school for them both — grade 4 for the older one, kindergarten for the younger. And this is their front yard — formerly our front yard — and only a 2 minute walk to their classrooms, after many years of a 15-30 minute commute from their former home. A big change made some small people very happy. And that is gift, too.

These lovely trumpet flowers pop up at the fence line in our new backyard. They begin life a vibrant purple hue and over the course of many weeks, slowly fade to white. All the while, they lift their heads to the skies and sing to me of beauty and grace.

One set of those drawer knobs, in place on my wonderful new files. They work perfectly: small gifts, small gifts.

Look closely now — it’s kind of blurry. But there is a very tiny bird sitting right on top of one of our new patio lights. It’s a hummingbird and this is one of their favorite resting places now. Lovely, small lights now lit regularly by our noisy, fractious, wonderful hummers. We have at least five who frequent our feeders and rest on our wires. I give thanks for both the lights and the birds!

Just one moment, a single minute of my early morning walk this weekend. Gloriously lit by the rising sun, palm trees silhouetted against the calm sea. Perfection in sixty seconds. Grace. Goodness. Beauty.

I will celebrate the small as long as I breathe.

Where do you find reason to celebrate these days?

Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Birds, Blessings, Delight!, Encouragement, Enough, God's gifts, Grace, Gratitude

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 16 — Cherishing Friends

October 16, 2015 By Diana

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to value long-time connection more and more. People who’ve walked the road with me for a long time, those are the ones I yearn to be with. I’m so grateful for newer friends, for later-in-life community — I am and I will continue to be.

But those people who’ve known me for a lifetime (or at least, a good chunk of a lifetime!) are the ones whose presence I seek out. My calendar has reservations for those folks. Maybe not a whole lotta reservations — but regular ones, that’s for sure. Those three women up there are my maternal first cousins. We live within 90 minutes of each other and try to get together for lunch and catch-up about twice a year. They’re remarkable people, each and every one. And we share so much story. It’s not very many people who can see me after six months and say, “You’re looking more like your dad every day, Diana.” Who else would know that about me? (And they’re right. I’ve always looked like my mom — but I see dad in there more and more as I age, especially in the hair color, body size/shape and, regrettably, that nose.)

And, of course, there is my longest-term-best-friend, my mom. The parts of her that made for true friendship are not as evident as they once were, but that twinkle in her eye is a reminder, that smile is a heartstring to the past. She does not remember me, but oh! I remember her.

And then there is this glorious posse, this group of long-term friends from our days at Pasadena Covenant church (1975-1996). Many of them are in this photo, but a couple of them weren’t able to make it to this gathering, just as I can’t make it to the one tonight.

These friends knew me before I wore any of the hats I’ve worn in the past two decades. Before seminary study, before pastoral ministry, before spiritual direction. Before.

And most of them knew my kids. At least they knew me as a mom to those kids, which NO ONE in Santa Barbara does. I was so surprised at what a loss that was to me when we moved here. My role as their mom has been my primary identity since 1968 — and nobody in this congregation had a clue about any of that. It makes a difference, friends. It truly does. People who’ve walked with you through the joys and pitfalls of parenting and marriage (even if they themselves are not married or a parent) — those are the people who know you best. And who love you anyhow.

You gotta keep those friendships going. They’re lifeblood, even though IRL connections may be few and far between, they’re always rich and memorable. I was also part of another friendship group for a few years, one that I miss to this day. Six of us who were ordained as pastors in the same denomination gathered together for retreat every year for about 6-8 years. And then it just sort of died away. I have limited contact with three of that group and seldom hear from the other two. I miss them all and wonder every year about how to try and reestablish our connection.

Do you have friends you’ve known forever? Special interest friends? Shared life experience friends? What do you do to stay in touch?

Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Blessings, Blogging, community, Encouragement, friendship. personal journey, God's gifts

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 15 — Dancing (at least on the inside!) Through the Days

October 15, 2015 By Diana

I mean, really. Have you ever seen such gorgeous color in your life???

Our days are marked by moments. Moments that often bring us glimpses of glory . . . if we have eyes to see — and feet to dance! (at least in our spirits, right? I’ve written before about how dancing is a thing of the past for me, but the spirit of dancing is available, always. Always.)

So today’s post is a compilation of some of my dancing moments over the past eight weeks since our move to this house. Yes, there have most certainly been moments of a different kind. Tired, cranky, worried moments. But these dancing ones? They’re the ones I want to remember, to hang onto, to breathe in like oxygen. Because that is exactly what they are. Sailboats just before sunset will certainly make me breathe more deeply.

Worship is a dancing moment for me, especially on Communion Sunday. I might even move my feet or my hips (very carefully) if the beat is uptempo.

A largish angel from my collection didn’t fit indoors, so my eldest daughter calmly walked her outside and put her in the birdbath. And I LOVE IT. Every time I look at it, I smile.

A beautiful succulent flower, new to me, seen on a morning walk.

One of the bunny family that share our backyard – sitting calmly while we were eating dinner.

And stretching up to nibble on the low hedge of ceanothus that borders our fence.

A gasp-worthy reflection in a neighborhood pool on a walk one morning.

Early morning cruise ship viewing.

Five-year-olds playing soccer.

An evening view from the dinner table.

A California icon, rising upward against the morning fog.

Egrets in flight.

A great blue heron stalking lunch.

A hummer circling round the feeder.

The super moon, the night before.

These guys, playing cards on our back patio after dinner.

And these blurry feet – so precious to me and so small next to my honkers.

Yes these are things that make me dance inside. What about you? What lifts your spirits and makes your muscle memory think of dancing?

Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Blessings, Delight!, Encouragement

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 14 — Valuing the Old

October 14, 2015 By Diana

Of course today’s topic is one close to my heart. I am graced to have my 94-year-old mama still living. I myself am now 70. I am personally familiar with old things. And old people.

But you know what? We are not a society that particularly values old anything, maybe most especially people. That is painting with far too broad a brush, I own that. But there are times when it surely feels that way. I’m not sure it’s entirely intentional. We get busy, our lives are full, there is more energy to be found in the company of younger folk. I get it, I’m guilty of it, I know it.

But.

The sixteen people who live in my mother’s Alzheimer’s unit were once thriving, contributing members of society, living lives rich in friendship and family. Now, many of them seldom see any young face other than that of their closest caregiver — the one who is paid to be there.

I myself am deeply, DEEPLY grateful for those paid friends. My mother’s life is incredibly richer and safer because of the place where she lives. And for a long list of reasons — most of them to do with my own emotional and physical limits — I see my mom only about every five or six days. For years, I called her nightly on the telephone. Now, that is too confusing for her, so I stopped doing that this summer. It was both a relief and an opening for yet another kind of grief, deep within me.

I love my mother very much. I miss my mother very much.

Yet she is still here.

And the pieces of her that remain have been lovely to see for the last two years or so. Just in the past two weeks, however, I have seen a deepening level of confusion and ‘lostness,’ which come yoked with an exponentially deeper sense of panic that permeates almost all of our ‘conversation’ of late. Three days ago, she was frightened to use the bathroom before we left for lunch, sure that someone was going to get her wet (she now hates the shower.) And she insisted that she had never been to the Cafe before, though we have been there at least once each week for the last six months.

“Are you sure it was me you took here?”

“Yes, Mom. I know you. It was you. You are Ruth Gold, right?”

“Yes, I am. But there must be another Ruth Gold because I’ve never been here before,” she said in a frightened, trembling voice.

I patted her arm, told her I was going inside to order our lunch and left her, sitting at the counter, peering at the view with a troubled look on her face.

Seven or eight minutes later, I returned with her diet coke in hand and told her the cheeseburger would be coming soon. She turned and looked at me, much calmer, and said with conviction, “I think that other woman must have left.”

Clearly, she had been thinking about our earlier conversation, something she is generally unable to do. Something about it hit her deep inside, requiring her to ponder and try and figure out how she could be so lost. Her conclusion was unbearably sad to hear.

Yet something deep within me resonated strongly with that so-sad sentence, that oh-so -carefully prepared sentence. Because she was right, you see. That other woman has indeed left, never to return this side of heaven.

And oh, I miss her so.

Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Alzheimer's Disease, Beauty, Blessings, Confession, death, Dementia, Encouragement, family, God's gifts, Grace, Gratitude, grief

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 13 — Trying Something New

October 13, 2015 By Diana

I have a small collection of videos (two!) that are appropriate for this topic we’ve been examining the past two weeks. The whole video world is relatively new to me and I enjoy it so!

I’ve been a YouTube fan for about five or six years, I guess, and love the fact that technology allows us access to so many talented people around the world. This one even has the same title as this series and is great fun to watch. Enjoy!

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sycgL3Qg_Ak&feature=share

And one more, just for thought and reflection. What a group of elderly women from Great Britain would do differently if they had their lives to live over again:

What do you enjoy that is new to you (relatively!)? What things do you dream about trying?

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Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Laughter

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 12 — Walking for All I’m Worth

October 12, 2015 By Diana

A few months before I retired at the end of 2010, I began to intentionally take walks almost every day. I’d done it for a lotta years before I moved to Santa Barbara and began my pastoral work, but somehow, the habit died away. We lived on a street without sidewalks, it was quite hilly . . . yadda, yadda, yadda.

I quit. I was distracted. I was lazy.

Then I landed in the hospital with blood clots in both lobes of both lungs and I began to think about trying to get more exercise. So I walked. Very slowly at first, walking laps around the large parking area of our driveway or around the campus at church, sometimes even around the pews in the sanctuary.

Then I went to Laity Lodge in the fall of 2012 — my second time to that marvelous place — and one of our speakers was an expert on neurobiology. We happened to be in the same van heading to the airport for our flights home and I asked him what the latest developments were for the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease. He said this: “Sadly, there isn’t much that we know right now. It’s a much more complex process than we initially thought and the meds we’ve developed only target tiny pieces of that process. But there is one thing we do know that can help prevent or delay onset of this disease and that is this: thirty minutes of aerobic exercise at least five days each week.”

Bingo.

So I began to step it up even more, getting to about a mile and a half or two miles each evening. Slowly, I began to get stronger and I also began to drops a few pounds here and there.

Bonus!

Then, I injured my foot while on vacation. And during PT for that injury, I sustained a far worse one — the story of which you undoubtedly have heard enough about to last a lifetime. I could no longer walk and the pounds began to slowly return.

Then, after trying various combinations of strange footgear and consulting with three different doctors, I had corrective surgery. And going into that surgery, I put myself on a fairly stringent diet and lost a number of pounds just before and for several months after that surgery and recuperation.

Within about two months, I began to take very, very careful walks once again — laps around my driveway and occasional circles at the beach nearest to that home. Since our move, I have mapped out a route in our new neighborhood and found another beach that allows me to walk on the sand at low tide. The pictures in this post were taken with my iPhone while on each of these routes.

You know what? I LOVE WALKING. I often have my longest prayer times when I’m walking. I don’t talk much, but I listen and I lift names and faces to our loving God, trusting that God knows their needs far better than I. Since our trip to Kauai last July, I am waking up much earlier than ever before in my life (which means about 6:15 or so — I am SO a night owl and not a morning person!) and I’m usually out of the house between 7 and 7:30.

In many ways, those walks are a highlight of the day for me.

And they are also good for me — in every way I can think of. Since that initial hospitalization for pulmonary emboli in May of 2010, I have lost about 80 pounds — very, very slowly. And, hopefully, permanently. I’ve dealt with weight/food issues my entire adult life, so I make no guarantees. Somehow, this feels very different from earlier weight loss episodes and I am praying that I am very different.

So far, so good.

What do you do to stay healthy?

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Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Beauty, Confession, Encouragement, Walking

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 11 — Singing for All I’m Worth

October 11, 2015 By Diana

I am writing this on a Tuesday morning. And Tuesdays are now very special days. Here’s why: August marked the beginning of semester number two for me to sing with the local Concert Choir at our community college. I began last January, soon after that BIG birthday event, and except for those unfortunate hospital stays during the spring, I’ve been in that rehearsal room every Tuesday of the school year.

I’ve loved to sing for as long as I can remember. Joined the kids’ choir at our downtown LA church at the tender age of five and kept right on singing in choirs until I moved to Santa Barbara at the age of 52. Nearly 40 years of being in choirs!

And then I stopped. Why? Because our church did not have a weekly choir to join, that’s why. We did sing seasonally the first few years I was here, but even that dropped away about seven or eight years ago.

Then a talented and kind woman in our congregation formed a small ensemble that sang in worship one Sunday and I was simply overwhelmed with how much I missed that kind of music. Initially, I was not a part of that group — and that, I will admit, was more painful than I ever would have guessed. In truth, it was stunning how much it hurt not to be included in their number. And in earnest conversation with my pastors and my husband, I began to realize that choral singing was a piece of my own story, my own identity, that I had buried for way too long. And I was strongly encouraged to find somewhere to sing.

So I did a little online research and found this college/community choir. And I HAVE LOVED IT. One of the hardest things about that second hospitalization was that it forced me to miss our spring concert. I am bound and determined that I will be there for the Christmas one! We’re doing Durufle’s beautiful Requiem Mass and tonight, we’re supposed to get the music for Ralph Vaughn Williams’ Five Mystical Songs — settings for poems by George Herbert, who is a favorite of mine. Not exactly typical Christmas music, but it will be fun to work through. Challenging stuff — and I’m delighted that it is. My voice is not quite as steady as it once was, but I’m still a dang good reader.

It’s interesting how the pain of exclusion served as a huge wake-up call for me, forcing me off of my duff and helping me to do a little exploration of the possibilities. This choir is roughly 50% college students — and 50% old folks from the community. Pretty much exactly what I needed right now.

And then there was this lovely bonus: I was invited to sing with that church ensemble right after their first attempt last winter — and I’m loving every minute of that, too.

What do you love to do? Has it gotten lost, maybe buried under too many other things you love (or don’t love)? How can you help all the pieces of yourself to re-emerge?

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Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, birthdays, Confession, Delight!, Music

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 10 — Watching My Step

October 10, 2015 By Diana

Do you see that rough looking spot in the pavement in this picture? There is about an inch-and-a-half difference between the asphalt and the concrete in this particular roadway. It’s the one that circles our local cemetery here in Santa Barbara, a place I used to love to walk.

But in February of this year, my left foot — which was surgically altered ten months prior to this event — got caught on that inch-and-a-half difference and I went down, face first, into the asphalt. After I hit the ground, that poor roadway looked like this:

Because I was on blood-thinning medication, I had to spend the next 24 hours in a hospital room, being monitored for a possible brain bleed. The hospital room came after driving myself to the ER and having stitches put into FIVE locations around my face, including inside my mouth. Thankfully, the brain bleed never materialized.

Within about five days, this is what I looked like:

I know, I KNOW!! Almost as bad as the roadway, and downright scary, right?

Less than three months later, I misstepped coming out of the back seat of my car after I’d gone to retrieve something while visiting my daughter. I landed on my bum, hard, and then on the back of my head. I refused to go to the ER that time, but four days later, I felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life as I turned over to get out of bed in the morning. Something tore – I could feel it. I found out later it is called the abdominal rectus sheath muscle, and that sudden, searing tear is a rare side effect of the particular blood thinner I was taking, most probably complicated by the fall at my daughter’s. That little event led to TWO nights in the hospital, with lengthy intravenous treatment to reverse the effects of the blood thinners and stop the internal bleeding. I had a humungous lump in my gut, just below my lower left rib, that slowly dissipated over the next couple of months, causing some very funky bruising all along my left side.

To say these two events were distressing is a massive understatement. The very best thing that came out of them is that I am no longer taking blood thinners — HOORAY. And the second best thing is that I am now very, very careful where I put my feet.

From my bed in the ER during that second event, I called my foot doctor and asked him to please order some specifically targeted physical therapy to help me with my balance. The surgery with its L O N G recovery (no weight-bearing for eight weeks) had left me feeling off-balance much of the time. My post-surgery therapy had worked on strengthening my newly re-created foot, but this second, targeted round of PT has made a wonderful difference in my sense of balance and I am grateful. (I still do two of the exercises every single day.)

These scary episodes have underscored for me the truth that this body, she is gettin’ up there. She simply is not what she used to be. So I find myself looking down a lot these days, being extra-careful where I walk. In fact, I am much more cautious in general. I have never been a daredevil physically, but these days, I’m an out-and-out scaredy-cat.

And that care, that caution has become something of a metaphor for me in other areas of my life as well, most particularly with words — both spoken and written. Watching my step can be applied in lots of way, it seems to me.

What about you? Where are you becoming more cautious and watching your step as you get older?

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Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Aging, Confession, Encouragement, Hard Things, personal journey

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 9 — Listening Well

October 9, 2015 By Diana

This recently finished new space is where I do my professional listening these days. I am graced with the title ‘spiritual director,’ something I began to train for during the last year of my pastoral life, continuing for two years afterwards in order to earn my certification. I’ve been listening to directees (and listening to God, I sincerely hope) for six years now, some of them for that entire time. It is one of the best gifts in my life right now.

When I’m sitting in my chair (the one on the right), I listen well. I’ve learned how, I’ve practiced and I’m getting better at it each time I do it.

It has not always been so. In fact, in my regular life, it often still is NOT so. I had a dear and trusted friend tell me once that she felt I was always scanning the room, looking for someone more interesting to talk to whenever we engaged in one-on-one conversation.

Ouch.

That one hurt. But you know what? She was right. I began to observe myself after that comment, and her remark was spot on. Embarrassingly spot on. I was not scanning the room, looking for someone more interesting — that part, I categorically deny. I was, however, easily distracted, uncomfortable making prolonged eye contact and very busy inside my head, planning what I was going to say next. Or making a list of questions to interrupt with. Or thinking about something entirely different.

Oy vey.

So I have worked on that over these years, these later years. Without the ‘cover’ of the direction session, I am still more easily distracted than I wish I were. Part of the problem — at least in my own home, with my husband, in particular — is that I learned to read with ferocious focus when I was quite young, effectively tuning out any noise or music in my home. I have carried that with me to this day. So if I’m looking at email or texts and he says something to me, I literally do not hear him. We’re both trying to be more cognizant of the truth that we must keep on learning how to communicate well with one other.

We need to learn when to talk. And most importantly, we need to learn when to listen.

Really listen.

What about you? Are you a good listener?

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Filed Under: 31 Day Blogging Challenge, Confession, Encouragement, Listening

31 Days of Aging Gracefully: Day 8 — Looking for the Good

October 8, 2015 By Diana

Let me tell you about my friend, Lucille. Please. Let me tell you.

We met in 1975 when my family began attending Pasadena Covenant Church, where Lucille and her then husband Harold had been leading members for decades. She was the head honcho of the woman’s organization in the church and she was GOOD at it! Gifted organizationally and an exceptional cook, she had vision and energy to spare. At this point, she was 58 and I was 30.

If you’re any good at math, then you’ve figured out that she is now 98 years young. She has some trouble walking these days, but overall, she is still amazing. In fact, I would say, Lucille is a real pistol! In the very best way.

God put this good woman in my life at precisely the time I needed to be inspired and encouraged. She saw gifts in me and she patiently drew them out over the 21 years we worshipped and worked together in that community. She always saw the good in me. Always. And she told me about it, in ways both direct and indirect. She was, in many ways, a third mother to me — my own mom and mother-in-law being the first two. And I even looked a little bit like her daughter (and like her, too).

Can I just tell you what a gift it is to hear from another adult whom you admire that you are a good and gifted person? It is life-changing, as a matter of fact, and I will be grateful to her and for her until the day I die.

She now lives in assisted living at the same retirement community where my mom is located. Because my mother’s condition has been so demanding, I’ve had little time to visit with her of late, but I’m making an effort to change that. Why? Because I love her. And because I’m grateful for her. And because I don’t know how much longer she’ll be here for me to sit with and smile at.

When I went to see her new little apartment (her third in this place – she started in a HUGE one with her second husband . . . which is another beautiful story I will tell some day . . . and then downsized to a still lovely smaller one when he died. And just last year, moved into assisted living. Her same beautiful things are still there and that smaller space radiates her beauty and grace in every corner.

When I went to see her, she asked me to go get a box out of one of her closets and bring it to her. Inside were some lovely needlepoint zipper bags that she had made and she insisted that I take one. “My daughter is coming soon and she’s bringing me new ones to do. I love to do it while I sit and look out the window or watch television.”

Her beautiful handiwork sits now on my bedside table, a glorious reminder of someone I love who took the time and made the effort to see and speak the good in me. Thank you, Lucille. And thank you, Jesus.

So, where are you looking for the good in others these days? And who has seen and named the good in you?

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